I am so scared of what the first holidays will bring, what the first birthdays will bring, and most importantly all of the firsts that you will miss out on with Corbin. Not only is this the first Thanksgiving and Christmas that you are not here, but it is also Corbin's firsts for these holidays that you will not be here for. My heart ached so bad when I typed that. I just keep thinking what if you could have made it to see Corbin being born, made it to enjoy your favorite holiday, made it to enjoy your 47th birthday. Would it hurt any less? Probably not.
I was reading some information about the grieving process, and one of the things it mentioned was that you don't' only grieve the person being gone from your life but also gone from your future. It warned that there may be events in the near, not too distant, and even distant future that you will have to grieve again when that time comes because you also grieve over those special moments in your life they would have been present for.
I know for sure one of those times for me is having Corbin. I don't think I have cried so hard in a long time than I did the two days after I got home from the hospital. I could barely even do a simple task without getting stressed out and wanting to call and talk to you about it. I feel like I'm starting to hurt a little less but I am terrified for the next time it happens.
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